


Home for Christmas

by amortentia_on_her_lips



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Asha - Freeform, Christmas, Christmas Song, Emotional Abuse, Happy, M/M, Manipulation, Romance, Runaway, Sexual Content, Song Lyrics intersperced, but happy happy ending, proposal, sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-18 21:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13108932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amortentia_on_her_lips/pseuds/amortentia_on_her_lips
Summary: I don’t know what my future holds or who I’ll choose to love meBut I can tell you where I’m from and who loved me to lifeAnd so it is a part of my courageous plan to leaveWith a broken heart tucked away under my sleeveI wanna go home for ChristmasLet me go home this yearThramsay Secret Santa - @Shugister





	Home for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shugister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shugister/gifts).



> Merry Holidays!!
> 
> Here is my secret santa present to Shugister!  
> I was really happy to finally use this song, its my favorite Holiday song, and I listen to it year round!  
> So anyway, I had made a full page and a half of another fic that I was planning to give to you, but I decided it wasn't sweet enough, and didn't have the correct vibe.  
> I really, really hope this give you some kinda feel, I hope i can make this story express what the song makes me feel!  
> Thank you so much for joining and participating in my event, and have a happy new year~
> 
> Song (full credit for the lyrics to Maria Mena):  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rdrmrz4VbHE
> 
> ~ Kris (Amortentia-on-her-lips, incorrect-thramsay)
> 
> P.s. This is my first ever Thramsay Fic, please forgive anything bad about it!!

_Careful what you say this time of year tends to weaken me  
And have a little decency and let me cry in peace. _

Theon looked over his shoulder, he saw Ramsay on his phone again. He loved the man more than anyone he had ever known, but he wasn’t sure he was loved back. The sandy blonde watched as his boyfriend growled at whoever had the misfortune of being on the other end. 

Steadying his shaking hand, Theon grabbed his laptop. His eyes were watering still and made his vision blur. All he wanted was an answer. Every time he asked, all he ever got was brushed off, ignored, and more heartbroken than he started. Scrolling quickly, Theon found what he was looking for, a place that could bring his smile back. A place that didn’t even have to speak to answer, ‘Do you love me.’

 

_But there’s a place where I erase the challenges I’ve been through  
Where I know every corner, every street-name all by heart _

Quick as a whip, Theon slammed his screen shut as a soft hand brushed stray hairs from his nape. 

“Hiding something?”

Theon coughed to cover his guilt. “Nope, I’m just happy to have you all to myself, I don’t want to waste a moment.”

He laid the device back on the coffee table and moved to kiss Ramsay. The older man laughed to himself and deepened the kiss over the back of the Sofa. That is, until his phone rang again, he answered and he took his warm frame away with it. 

Theon went back and looked at the image again. The warm beaches, and small shops lining the town made his heart flutter. He could almost feel his toes digging into the sand from so many dreams ago, he could almost remember the confident person he once was. Clicking twice, Theon let more tears fall as he purchased a plane ticket.

 

_And so it is a part of my courageous plan to leave  
With a broken heart tucked away under my sleeve_

Ramsay liked things exactly where he left them. He liked to feel in control and to completely own everything that was his. Theon knew this. He knew that by leaving, he would hurt the man. But the way they were living now wasn’t happiness, it wasn’t joyful, and he no longer truly smiled.

When they had first met, it was constant affection, kisses and sweet words. Now though it seemed to be only when it was convenient to Ramsay. Theon felt he was second place to Ramsay’s work, and that maybe, being heartbroken, would be better than living a lie and faking a smile. Maybe, he could even get back the person he use to be, he could joke and find fun in the small things again.

He had to leave, he had to go to a place where he was surrounded by those who knew and loved him. It would hurt, he had to break a heart and his own, but it would be worth it to laugh again.

 

_I wanna go home for Christmas, let me go home this year_

 

The door slammed shut, and made Theon jump. It was something else that caused his heart to stutter. In the past he could never scare, now every changing emotion that played on Ramsay’s face caused him to flinch. He cared so much for what the other felt, his own thoughts simply didn’t matter.

He glanced away as Ramsay stormed past him to the bedroom. It wasn’t healthy, he changed himself for this man, he lost his friends, his job, his home, all in order to make himself what Ramsay desired. Theon couldn’t live this way, he couldn’t continue to hide away what he felt, and to cater to the Bolton heir. Two hearts would break, but at least they would be able to mend, right now they were just cracking with no way to heal.

A figure full or rage appeared before him, “Why the fuck are you just sitting there? Make some fucking food, or do something fucking useful!” 

Theon jumped to obey, he quickly finished the dinner that was being prepared and cleaned where he could. 

 

As they laid down to sleep that night, facing away from each other as always, he felt an arm wrap around him. “I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to yell at you, I just had a bad day at work. Look, I’m sorry I have been ignoring you lately, and stuff, but just you wait, I’m doing something special for you on Christmas.”

Sea blue eyes shut tightly. Theon let himself nod as his tears fell, and kisses started down his back. His heart was numb to the way Ramsay took him slow and passionately. It was a lie. He knew it was. 

He kept telling himself it meant nothing as Ramsay panted into his ear. Theon couldn't help himself from gasping back in response. He knew how much Ramsay cherished making him loose control of his voice, he also knew what happened when he moaned to loudly. On a rough thrust that shoved Theon's body back into the pillow, he couldn't stop it and hummed before a loud breathy sound left him. He saw the smirk and knew it was coming before he could brace himself. An even sharper thrust and a bite on his neck that sent him reeling for something to ground himself. Nails dug into Ramsay's arms, but it was to late for Theon to pull away, when the other noticed, he knew there would be hell to pay. Tears rolled down his cheek as he just couldn't win. Ramsay held the control, all of it, Theon had nothing except his traitorous body. He tensed as Ramsay stopped the creaking of their bed. "Why are you all silent now?" Green blue eyes could barely open before a perfectly aimed thrust had him lost all over again.

This was torture, sweet, sticky, heart wrenching torture. But this would be his last time, and he needed the love and attention it brought him. He reached up and kissed Ramsay as the other started to tense. It was almost over, exactly what he had wanted before, but seeing an end to this relationship killed him. Seeing the lie come to a close hurt more than he thought it would.

Ramsay will kiss him sweetly now, and maybe even keep his promise and give him an amazing Christmas, but what about after that, what about when the sun rises on the 26th, when he goes back to work, and when he comes back home to blame his misfortunes on the one waiting at the door. 

It will hurt. It will break. It will mend.

 

_I’ll pack my bags and leave before the sun rises tomorrow  
’cause we act more like strangers for each day that I am here_

Not a second of sleep passed, he didn’t even closing his eyes to rest. He glanced at the red light on his nightstand. 3AM. It was time. Tear lined eyes fell upon their lover. Ramsay had moved to lay on his own side, not caring about warming Theon after he had gained his pleasure, not worried about touching the other, or stroking his sides to show he cared. It was true, he loved this man, but was not loved back. 

A gentle hand pulled the suitcase from under the bed frame. Without a sound, Theon dressed in the clothing he left unpacked, he slipped out of the room, pulled on his jacket and placed his hand on the door handle. His uber was waiting. Turning to look up at the ceiling, holding back tears, he strengthened his will before letting it break. 

Quick, silent steps lead him back from where he came. A lump in his throat, and a dull tearing pain in his chest pulled him further into the room. Soft lips leaned down, kissing the strong cheek, before placing a letter, and slipping out into the night air. 

 

_But I have people close to me who never will desert me  
Who remind me frequently what I was like as a child_

The airport was massive, Theon was terrified as he walked through. The wall of windows allowed him to see the landscape of his homeland, but even that simply caused more fear. He had actually left. 

Soon Ramsay would be waking up, if he hadn’t already. Theon could see the others face, full of confusion. He could hear a weak voice quietly calling his name, seeing if he had simply left to start breakfast. Soon that voice that he loved would fill with fear, and maybe anger. Every door in the apartment would soon be thrown open and slammed shut. 

The worst pain he ever experienced found him at the next image. Ramsay would find the closet only occupied on one side, half the drawers were emptied, and even the yellow toothbrush that sat upright beside a red one would be gone. Theon could see the beautiful man fall to his knees in their room, he could see tears streaming down cheeks that were not use to the sensation. Would Ramsay be more sad or angry? Would he think about what had caused this, or what he had to destroy to make it go away.

 

Theon steeled himself as he left the air conditioned structure. He missed the snow the spiraled around him when he went outside, he missed bundling up in more scarves than he could count and getting home to hot cocoa and soft music. Scanning the line of cars, he found Asha’s jeep. Her strong form leaned against the side smoking, she pushed expensive sunglasses into the hair that matched his own when she saw him.

Before he could react, she had him up in her arms, spinning him in circles and laughing. “Weren't you supposed to be bigger than me by now?” She continued to laugh as she lifted his luggage on her shoulder and loaded it into the open back. “Everyone is happy to have you back, it will be the first Christmas with all of us together in years.” 

Smiling sadly, he nodded and continued to watch the scenery pass by. His phone was getting sweating in his palms as he turned it over and over he hadn’t turned it back on since he first took off and he wasn’t sure he could do it now. He was home, he had to forget what he left behind and focus on being happy.

 

_And so it is a part of my courageous plan to leave  
With a broken heart tucked away under my sleeve _

The town was so much smaller than Theon remembered it. As a child, it seemed as though he could run for hours, and never see the end of it. Now he could pass right through in less than one. He watched the people move past, they had bags and presents under their arms, headed home to spend time with their families. It hurt, but he couldn’t help but wonder what his life would be now if he had stayed, if he had met someone here, and settled quietly. 

Theon smiled, remembering himself from all those years ago. He was so impulsive and full of courage. Nothing could ever scare him away, nothing except normal. Something made him always have to be different, loud and wild. It was how he met Ramsay, he laughed when he remembered the bar that had set their romance ablaze. 

Asha smiled at him, he hadn’t spoke a word to her, so she spoke for him. “I have something I need to show you.” 

With a nod, the two sandy blondes started the way out of town. The amount of wreaths decreased, and soon no Christmas lights were blinking away anymore. They started on a dirt path, more tears fell away with each step, memories came flooding back with each leave and tree they passed. As Asha stopped up ahead, Theon could feel his breath leave him.

He stood on the edge of a cliff, water crashing in a white mist below him, the ocean spreading out all around and the sun setting in a beautiful array of purples, oranges and reds. At that moment, he knew it all. Where every rock below him laid, what each one felt like, every tree behind him had its place, every person, animal and cloud, they were all where they were meant to be. 

But was this where he was meant to be. Was this his home? 

Asha was watching quietly. He turned to her, she came over and gave him a hug that told him she knew exactly what he was thinking. Her touch told him he was loved, he was cared for, and he would always have a home here, no matter how far he ran, he would have a home.

 

_I wanna go home for Christmas, let me go home this year_

Marron pulled him into a hug as soon as he entered the door. “Hey, Chum.” 

Theon pushed his brother off of him “Don’t call me that.” 

Rodrick came up from behind and pulled him up against a large chest. “Why not? It sounds better than shark bait doesn’t it?” 

Asha helped Theon escape the massive boys grips. “Don’t wanna crush him to death before presents do we?”

The brothers both smirked as Marron threw his comeback, “If you’re so worried for his health you might want to give him some sunscreen.” Rodrick decided to back his brother up with, “You want to protect his precious baby skin or we might actually be using him as chum soon.”

Throwing a middle finger back at her laughing siblings, she lead her youngest brother to the living room to sit beside the tree. “Here, let me go get dinner finished, and we can open presents.” 

Theon glanced up at her, “But Christmas is tomorrow?” She smiled and rubbed a hand on his head. “Yea, but we have somewhere to go tomorrow, so today is the only time.” He had forgotten, it had been so long, that the tradition of spending Christmas Day at the family tomb had been lost to him. He nodded as she disappeared into the kitchen.

 

As the siblings sat together joking, laughing and smiling at each other, Theon felt whole. He felt he fit, that even though he had been gone for years, that he slipped back in without even a moment passing. 

He needed a shower after the food fight Marron started, but it had to wait till after presents. He opened the softly packed one first. His eyes had to close and stay closed as he held the plush fabric to his chest. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the small squid his mother had made for him. It helped him through so many hard times and good times, it showed him someone was watching out for him.

“I found it when I was emptying out Mom’s room. I thought, well maybe you would want it.” Asha found herself with an arm full of her brother as soon as she finished. Her other brothers refused to be left out and dove on her as well. The presents were opened and shared with smiles and slices of pie. Theon’s heart couldn’t decide if it was heavy or light. He felt so many things he could never understand, but all that he could do was cry.

 

_I don’t know what my future holds or who I’ll choose to love me  
But I can tell you where I’m from and who loved me to life_

Theon woke up early the next morning, the small lump beside him was a warm weight. He looked out his childhood window. The last day had been so busy he hadn’t had time to think about Ramsay. Could he stay here forever? Would he be content with just family till he died? He was happy, he was loved, but it wasn’t the same. Rolling over, Theon finally turned his phone on. It wouldn’t stop buzzing once the screen finally came up. 

Messages, thousands of them. He had only been gone a day, but his phone was full. Quickly, Theon started going through the texts. It wasn’t just Ramsay, it was all of Ramsay’s friends too. Damon was the only one who gave any real information. Theon felt his heart burn as he read the newest message. ‘Hey, he’s really hurt, he cried in front of us man, he never cries. He offered an insane reward to whoever finds you first, and he even told his father to go fuck himself. Theon, he’s really messed up without you. Just call him at least, tell him you’re okay.’ 

After scrolling through one hundred more from everyone he could imagine, he came across the person he was aching for the most. ‘Baby, please, just tell me you’re okay. Tell me why you left, what did I do? Did I work to much, did I have bad breath? FUCK! Just tell me what to do to get you back. Please.’

 

Theon closed his eyes, taking deep breaths before he made the call. He curled into his pirate sheets as he pressed the phone to his ear. 

‘Baby! Is that you? Are you okay!’

After two deep breaths he could reply. “I'm okay.”

The sound of the deeply relieved sigh on the other line made Theon give a small smile. He was missed.

‘Hey, I’m going to get you back soon. Just tell me what’s going on, okay.’

Nodding, Theon felt so weak for crying again. All he did now was cry and feel bad, he always felt wrong and like he caused all the sadness.

“Do you love me?”

The line was silent, Theon couldn’t let it just sit and spoke before the other had a chance to.

“I don’t know who I am anymore. All I care about is you, I realized I don’t even care if I live or die, I just care that you are warm and comfortable. I’m weak now, I am always crying and relying on you for everything. I can’t go even a day without breaking down. You being satisfied became all that is important to me, but you-” 

Theon stopped to cough and get his voice back. “You don’t love me. You might care about me, or even want me. But you don’t truly love me. I can’t live with that, Ram, I need to be someone’s other half, I need to be loved as much as I love, I need a home. I know you can’t give that to me, so I had to leave. I’m so sorry. Baby, I’m happy now. They really do love me here, I can be happy. We can be happy, just, not together.”

He listened and waited for a reply. For any sign that Ramsay heard him.

‘Come outside.’

Confused, Theon threw the phone down on his pillow, slipped out of bed and ran to the porch.

 

_And so it is a part of my  
courageous plan to leave_

As the screen door swung out of his way, he saw the face he never thought he would see again. He wanted to stop himself, but he couldn’t. In seconds those strong arms were holding him closely, kissing his hair and whispering sweet words. It took so long for them to move apart, that Theon almost thought it impossible.

“How did you find me?”

Pain and hurt showed in Ramsay’s eyes, but Theon couldn’t look away. 

“You are my heart. No matter where you go in the world I will find you.”

Theon pulled away fully. “Ramsay, I can’t take your lies right now. I really just need to be away from you.” 

His hand was grabbed quickly. He looked up and saw the face above him close to tears. “I am not lying. I fucked up. I should have told you when you asked the first time. I should never have yelled at you, or ignored you. I should have held you every minute I could. Theon, I’m quitting my job. I found one that won’t take me away from you as much. I’m willing to do anything for you. I know you have a home here, and people who love you. But you are my home, you are the only one who loves me. Without you, I have nothing, I am nothing. Please, just, one more chance. Just let me prove that I can be a home to you.” 

He let himself be pulled into Ramsay’s grip. His arms wrapping around the other to hold him close. “Did it hurt?”

Ramsay gave him the saddest look he had ever seen. “Like I was dying. When you weren't there I couldn’t breath. I couldn’t feel anything, and everything was wrong. I never realized what you were to me till than. I never knew what I was taking for granted. Losing you would actually kill me.”

Theon glanced up into the cloud like eyes he adored. “Please.”

He didn’t even have to ask before lips were on his, and spoke softly against skin. “I love you. Gods, I love you more than anything. I will tell you every day, in every way, I fucking love every last piece of you, I swear.”

 

_With a broken heart  
Tucked away under my sleeve _

Asha wasn’t upset when he told her he had to leave, she just kissed his cheek and told him he could always come back, that they would be waiting. 

The drive to the airport was so much shorter, the landscape of Pyke wasn’t as big and open as it had been when he arrived. He gazed longingly at his lover beside him, when Ramsay noticed he reached over to hold the shaking hand. 

“I will never leave you alone again. I'll go through life with you on my lap if that’s what it takes.” 

Theon shook his head and squeezed the hand that was gripping him tightly. “No, I don’t need that, I just need…” Theon couldn’t find it. He wasn’t sure what he needed. Just being loved and cared for was all he wanted. 

Ramsay pulled the hand in his up and kissed it. “I know Baby, I promise I know.”

With a nod, he went back to the window. It was a fast trip back home. It was like the warm sun and hot air was all a dream, the snow swarmed all around him. Ramsay gave him his coat as they caught a Taxi.

“It’s still Christmas, so there's still time.”

Theon was so dazed he didn’t even know how to reply besides leaning against Ramsay. 

 

The yellow car stopped and Ramsay lead him back into the cold. Before he could even take in his surroundings, he was kissed breathless. His eyes gleamed as he took in all the lights, snowflakes and golden tinsel that surrounded them. The tree that’s star sparkles high above them was beautiful in the way it’s light caught him off guard. 

“Where are we?” 

Ramsay pulled him along past all the shingling lights and beautiful scenery. The door they came upon was massive, the whole house seemed to take up the entire sky. Theon gripped Ramsay trench coat closer to himself as the door opened with a creak. 

He was dragged past the small man at the door, and taken through hallways to a red wood door. Without even knocking Ramsay lead them both inside.

“Father.”

An older looking Ramsay sat up straight and stared at the pair. A short chubby lady moved from her place beside a fire to come see who had come. 

“Ramsay, what I the meaning of this, first I get a call from you saying you quit and than-“

Ramsay didn’t seem to care what this man thought or said. “I love Theon. I’m going to marry him. I will continue to work for you as long as you allow me time to spend with him. Otherwise, I will move onto other endeavors.”

Eyes wide as could be, Theon stayed completely still, only a whisper spilling from his lips. “Marry, Ramsay do you mean…” Ramsay seemed to ignore him, but still grabbed his hand to give comfort. The older man stood and looked down at the pair.

“I understand. I will see you tomorrow morning at 9, and you can have regular office hours.” A growl emitted beside Theon, he glanced at his lover.  
“I will be taking the holidays off, I will start again after the first, and I will keep you to your word about the hours.”

Ramsay turned and nearly carried the stunned younger boy from the room. As the reached the outside with its sprawling trees and twinkling lights, he finally managed to get away. “You want to marry me?”

 

In the deep snow and soft lights that encased them like a snow globe, Ramsay knelt. 

“Is this proof enough that I will never let you go again?”

Theon broke out in tears as he latched onto the man below him, kissing the face he loved more than anything.

 

_I wanna go home for Christmas  
Let me go home this year_

Home is where the heart is, and for Theon, his heart was with Ramsay. If his heart ever broke or tore, he had a place to mend it. 

He was loved. He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I usually try to stay away from super romantic or happy fics, because i tend to go over board on cheese, but I really hope you enjoy it and it is what you were looking for!! It was really interesting and fun to go out of my comfort zone for this, and im really happy i did!! Its a nice start for me and this ship <3


End file.
